EXCERPTS FROM FUNNY FAIRY TALES BY REUT BARAK

Excerpt from Cinderella:

A long time ago

in a faraway land

there lived a woman

who was allergic to dust.

She was also allergic to cat hair, pollen, mould, nuts, soy, and latex.

She lived in the attic, which she kept sterile- clean.

She would rarely get out, because the house had a cat and she was allergic to cat hair.

She would keep the windows shut to avoid the pollen.

She tested her food to avoid nuts and soy.

She chased the microbes, and the dirt and the germs and the insects, and walked around with a small broom, ready to use.

In short, she was nuts.

Her name was Cinderella.

 

Excerpt from Red Riding Hood

When Red finally reached her grandmother’s cottage, it was noon and she had eaten a collection of mushrooms she had never seen before.

She was also seeing colors she had never seen before.

The cottage was quiet, and the door creaked when Red unlocked it.

“Granny?”

There was no answer.

Red walked in slowly. She was dizzy, but she managed to walk straight into her grandmother’s bedroom, and approach the bed.

“Granny?”

Her grandmother seemed somewhat different.

For starters, she had very big eyes.

Red never noticed that before.

Her grandmother also had fur.

Red stopped, confused.

There was something funny going on.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

She thought she might as well say something.

“What big eyes you have.”

Really? thought the wolf, who was lying in her grandmother’s bed. “Well… the better to see you with.”

“What big ears you have.”

“Well… the better to hear you with.”

“What a big nose you have.”

“The better to smell you with.”

“What big…”

“I can tell where this is going, and I’m not interested. No offense.”

 

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